I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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