I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I want her autograph on my taint
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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