And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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