No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
