Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
