My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
