kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
