I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have aggressive nipples.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
