No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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