He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i believe in u and ur pee
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
