can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
