i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
