The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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