the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
