god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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