you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Two words: blizzard sex
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
