I can text with my tongue
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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