I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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