just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
