Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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