pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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