I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
