What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
