just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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