Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
