Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
