We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
