3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
