i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
