Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
operation harelip BJ is a go
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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