I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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