I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
