Please don't use social media to get back at me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
