he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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