3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
