So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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