So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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