so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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