I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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