i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
