Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
