tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
