Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
