3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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