I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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