oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize