I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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