I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
