i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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