I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
