WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
