All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
