For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
