Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
