What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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