sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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