i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
