Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
