Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
