jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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