I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
