P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
