Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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