The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Small penises have feelings too.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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