Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
