If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
