saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
