i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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