I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
