A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize