He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
