oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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